Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


  With the creak of a doomed ship, the door to the final hallway opens. Though both walls are the mottled iron bars of filled cells, the corridor is completely silent but for the light tap of well-worn boots and the screams of the crows beyond the far door.
  One life for thousands. Though many would have gone to war instead, the trade was made. One to death row, thousands free. Highwayman, murderers and robbers alike watch in silence, paying a final respect.
  The last door opens silently, making way for the wall of noise on the other side. The hangman straightens, tucking the rag in a back pocket. The hinges are oiled, the noose tied. There is little grief in the audience, but the moistened eyes are caught with a last, comforting glance.
  Long drop, short stop. The body is cut loose to land in the open coffin below, black as the tar that seals it.
  No chances are taken, and snide remarks are not the sole accompaniment to the cask as it is passed to kin to be taken to it's final resting place.
                                                                ***
  The sea is crossed, and twenty feet from the shore line, knee-deep in warm water, the burial is made. Few attend, and only the officer sent to make sure stands out, standing stiffly at attention. As the few disperse, a homing pigeon soars above the last few rays of sunlight, receding across a lonely grave, in its talons a simple message.
  Gone for good.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License.
:iconshadowkid2:

Author's Comments

:iconreadplz:
I tried putting it in paragraph format, but it probably won't show up as such, but oh well. I plan on extending this later, and I'll fix it with the update.

Iow, this is a work in progress. Please don't bash me for it being so bloody short.

As for the somewhat strange way it was written, this was an experiment, not really sure how well it turned out, so feedback's appreciated.

Please, :iconcommentplz:. I beg of you. I need feedback more than I need encouragement xD

[/end_important_text]

But ya... this is what happens when I listen to funeral march followed by A7X. Not to mention when I have three boring classes in a row in which I feel like ignoring the teacher and writing, which I did.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconhappyxcupcakexsama:
This is really good so far, but most of you're writing is. The way you describe the setting and the crowd is well, better than good. It's hard for me to find something bad about this to improve, but yeah....just keep doing what you do best, if you want that is.

--
You know, it\'s hard to make a quote you\'re very own and have it show you\'re personality that you want people to see....well....here\'s mine....lame yes, but true, totally man....WOO! BOW DOWN BEFORE DA JEDI MASTA!!!!!! Ehem, anways....Cheerio
:iconbeaverg:
Now I'm going to bash you for it being so bloody short. XD No, im not. but youre an emo kid. Just thought you should know.

lots of lurve
Gillian

--
He's mad but there's method in his madness it's what drives men mad being methodical.


:llama: :cheese: :batman:
She became fat on oreos, got rabies from a fox and everyone died. Fun times, fun times...
:iconshadowkid2:
Yes, because my goal in life is to dye my hair black, paint my nails and cut myself. >.>

--
-Me: Have you gone mad?
-Mind: How the hell would I know? I just do the thinking.
-Me: I'll take that as a yes.
-Mind: Bitch.

Avatar Credit: ~Ade-AndaRio

Why so serious?
:iconmewkokoa:
I never really stopped to read this all of the way through, sorry about that, but this is really awesome. I really like how you described everything...clean and simple.
~Ko

--
Remember ~posiekitty.
She's frolicking in those pink clouds in the sky now...in a better place.
Put this in your signature if you knew or miss that sweet little angel.
"Left...Right...Left...Right. You disgust me!" -Death the Kid
:iconshadowkid2:
Thanks... like I said, this one was kind of an experiment, and it came out kinda iffy in my opinion, but thanks, glad to know you liked it ^^

--
-Me: Have you gone mad?
-Mind: How the hell would I know? I just do the thinking.
-Me: I'll take that as a yes.
-Mind: Bitch.

Avatar Credit: ~Ade-AndaRio

Why so serious?
:iconmewkokoa:
:D

--
Remember ~posiekitty.
She's frolicking in those pink clouds in the sky now...in a better place.
Put this in your signature if you knew or miss that sweet little angel.
"Left...Right...Left...Right. You disgust me!" -Death the Kid
:iconroddy9uk:
I rather like the style, succinct and avoiding unnecessary detail. It makes me very curious as to the background to the story.

One question. Why burial in ground below the low water-line? (or will that be answered by later passages).
:iconshadowkid2:
Thank you very much! At the moment it doesn't really have a background, and won't until I expand on it later. It was just sort of a random experiment to avoid terminal boredom during class.

As for the burial below the waterline on the shore, it's a pirate tradition in Elsion. If one was to die honourably, they were buried just below the water at low tide on whichever island they came from.

'Course, if they died dishonourably, they got put in a box, which was then lit on fire and chucked overboard.

--
-Me: Have you gone mad?
-Mind: How the hell would I know? I just do the thinking.
-Me: I'll take that as a yes.
-Mind: Bitch.

Avatar Credit: ~Ade-AndaRio

Why so serious?

Details

April 19
1.9 KB

Statistics

8
4 [who?]
64 (0 today)
3 (0 today)

Site Map